"You're not listening!"

One day, my two morning appointments canceled and then Paul,* one of my afternoon appointments, called.

“I don’t have any food, and I don’t have any money to come to the appointment,” he said, so I decided to pay him a home visit. I wanted to take him food, too, so I tried to research food pantries near his house. I finally found one he was eligible for. The people at the pantry were nice enough to let me get food for Paul after I gave them all his information to ensure he wouldn’t double dip later in the month.

Paul’s apartment building was difficult to find but I finally located it. “Sorry it’s disordered,” Paul says as he opens the door to his apartment. “It’s how I’m feeling right now.”

After he thanked me for the food and put it away, we went outside. The fire escape was the only place to sit. He sat down and I sat on the ground. Paul pulled out a long white cigarette, lit it and began talking.

After filling me in about his week, Paul drifted to another world and his disease started talking. “I can see the stage, I can see the performers on the stage, but I can also see what’s behind the curtain…Do you know what I discovered? Humans have the ability to have their eyes open to many different worlds at once.”

I ask him about his next Dr.’s appointment and ask him when he last used drugs. He gets very frustrated. “You’re not listening to me!” he says, then begins to talking to himself.I am listening to him, though. I hear him say that he wants to get his life back together and go back to school. I’m trying to help him achieve his goals. He seems worse than last week, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s because he’s using substances again. I want to help. That’s why I became a case worker.